We’re giving away Candwiches! More info at the end of this post.

ADAM: Usually this blog charts our mission to eat a meal from every nation in the world without leaving New York City. But for this post we’re taking a slight detour to eat a meal that we’re pretty sure comes from the future. Or, if you’d prefer to believe the shipping label: West Jordan, Utah. We’re talking, of course, about Candwich, the famed Sandwich in a Can, which got the interwebs all abuzz when it was announced last year. Well, that meal tube is finally on sale. And always eager to try a product whose packaging can simultaneously boast both “Extended Shelf Life!” and also “Great for School Lunch!” we had a four-pack delivered to our door.

LAURA: The pull-tab opened with a “pop,” as if you were opening a can of tennis balls and not, say, lunch. We were disappointed to see that the sandwich was not pre-made. You get the bread, a knife and squeeze packs of PB and J. For a “convenient” lunch option, this sandwich is exhausting! On the plus side, it also came with a ready-to-eat Laffy Taffy and a packet of FreshPax which helps it stay shelf-stable for over a year. Mmmm, chemical drying agents…

ADAM: And instead of getting normal slices of bread, you get what is essentially a hot dog bun. The bun is heavy and moist in a slightly disturbing way, but its most noticeable characteristic is its odor. Think of the smell of a WonderBread bun, then times it by roughly a bajallion. That’s what Candwich bread smells like.

LAURA: Once inside our mouths, the peanut butter and jelly tasted fine, but the bread was unnaturally moist and frankly gave me the heebies-jeebies chewing it. Maybe my palate was just too refined, though, because the packaging claims that “Kids love them!” Then again, kids also love eating paste and boogers.
ADAM: There’s way too much bread for the amount of peanut butter and jelly, and the whole thing quickly condenses into an unpleasant wad in your mouth. Basically, this is a canned good, except without the “good” part. That being said, if I was stranded in a bomb shelter and all the other food in the world was tainted with radioactive fallout? Sure, I’d eat it. Is that a quote they might want to put on their packaging?

BONUS: We’re giving away our excess Candwiches! To win one, just reblog this post on Tumblr and/or go to our Facebook page and “like” the link to this article. We’ll randomly choose two winners and mail them their shelf-stable prize/punishment.

And for more food hilarity, kindly check out our other website I Want You Inside Me.

That’s a pic of me and Laura with a giant McRib! Backstory: A couple years ago, I wrote an article for Maxim that involved me seeking out McDonald’s restaurants that served the legendary, yet rarely-seen McRib. (It’s kind of like the Sasquatch of sandwiches.) Because of that road trip, Micky D’s invited me to Tuesday’s nationwide McRib relaunch event, where they were honoring a few dedicated McRib super fans. Yes, the event was great, but at the same time it was a little bit sad because it meant my life had just peaked.

So in honor of the honors, here are some little-known McRib facts that I learned while doing my McResearch:

1. The McRib was created by McDonald’s first head chef, Rene Arend. Admittedly, Arend’s largest contribution to McHistory would have to be the invention of the Chicken McNugget. When the McNugget debuted in 1979, demand was so high that McDonald’s couldn’t get enough chicken to supply all its franchises. So Arend had to create another menu item for restaurants who couldn’t get poultry. His creation? The McRib.

2. Despite being called the McRib, the sandwich actually contains little rib meat and is made primarily from pork shoulder.

3. When coming up with the sauce, the team began by tasting tons of store-bought barbecue sauces. They ended up patterning the McRib sauce off of KC Masterpiece.

4. When first creating the sandwich, Arend faced internal pressure to mold the meat into a standard round patty. It is only through his genius and his perseverance that the McRib looks like it has rib bones. Even though it obviously has no rib bones. God bless him.

OK, that’s all I got on McRib. If you still want to hear more about eating meat, may I suggest you try the video where Laura and I went zombie and ate a bunch of animal brains?

It’s National Deep Throat A Hot Dog Day! And in honor of it, here’s a photo of me standing behind Joey Chestnut after he won the 2009 Nathan’s Famous International Hot Dog Eating Competition by mowing a record-breaking 68 dogs. For two years, I proudly served as Chestnut’s “Bunnette,” the girl who counts hot dogs, roots for the eaters and entertains the crowd. In a nutshell, I was a competitive-eating cheerleader.

Sharing a stage with professional gluttons and being sprayed with wiener shrapnel may not sound like an accomplishment to most, but for me, it was a dream come true. I had always aspired to become a competitive eater until an overzealous bite of a hot dog nearly left me dead and certainly left me fearful of chewing massive amounts of meat at a rapid rate. All of my gorging dreams, dashed.

But this is America, the land of opportunity. It’s where hot dogs were invented, where competitive eating is considered a sport and, of course, where dreams are made. And even though I wasn’t shoveling hot dogs into my maw, I was still a part of the greatest eating competition in the world — without having to deal with post-match meat sweats.

So thanks for making my dreams come true, America. Happy Independence Day…and go Chestnut!

Detour: North Carolina Barbecue

We were in NC for a wedding this weekend, so we stopped Navigeating long enough to get porked. This plate is from the legendary BBQ hole-in-the-wall Allen & Son, outside Chapel Hill. You’re looking at hush puppies, coleslaw, Brunswick Stew and some of the tastiest chopped barbecue North Carolina has to offer. While many NC BBQ joints have switched to gas, pit master Keith Allen gets up at 3 am every morning to kick it old school: cooking whole hogs over hickory coals. The split swine roasts low and slow for eight to twelve hours, the drippings falling to the coals then sizzling awesomeness right back up into the meat. When done, the pig is picked apart, minced together and dressed in an Eastern NC vinegar sauce. 

From the outside, Allen & Son looks like a rundown shack, which fits our general rule of thumb when it comes to choosing what BBQ restaurants to hit: The crappier the sign, the tastier the swine.

NC BBQ Flickr photoset

Let’s consider this a post for Fake Italy. We officially celebrated Valentine’s Day one day early on Saturday, so on Sunday we were (hopefully) the only people in the world to order Papa John’s Heart-Shaped Pizza. As you can see from the picture, our pizza’s heart shapiness left a little something to be desired, but we still fared better than those whose pie arrived even more broken-hearted. Of course the pizza didn’t taste like good, authentic pizza, but it did taste Papa John’s, and there’s an undeniable nostalgic joy in that. But our general conclusion: Papa John’s Heart-Shaped Pizza is the perfect Valentine’s Day dinner for couples who have love each other ironically.