We’re giving away Candwiches! More info at the end of this post.

ADAM: Usually this blog charts our mission to eat a meal from every nation in the world without leaving New York City. But for this post we’re taking a slight detour to eat a meal that we’re pretty sure comes from the future. Or, if you’d prefer to believe the shipping label: West Jordan, Utah. We’re talking, of course, about Candwich, the famed Sandwich in a Can, which got the interwebs all abuzz when it was announced last year. Well, that meal tube is finally on sale. And always eager to try a product whose packaging can simultaneously boast both “Extended Shelf Life!” and also “Great for School Lunch!” we had a four-pack delivered to our door.

LAURA: The pull-tab opened with a “pop,” as if you were opening a can of tennis balls and not, say, lunch. We were disappointed to see that the sandwich was not pre-made. You get the bread, a knife and squeeze packs of PB and J. For a “convenient” lunch option, this sandwich is exhausting! On the plus side, it also came with a ready-to-eat Laffy Taffy and a packet of FreshPax which helps it stay shelf-stable for over a year. Mmmm, chemical drying agents…

ADAM: And instead of getting normal slices of bread, you get what is essentially a hot dog bun. The bun is heavy and moist in a slightly disturbing way, but its most noticeable characteristic is its odor. Think of the smell of a WonderBread bun, then times it by roughly a bajallion. That’s what Candwich bread smells like.

LAURA: Once inside our mouths, the peanut butter and jelly tasted fine, but the bread was unnaturally moist and frankly gave me the heebies-jeebies chewing it. Maybe my palate was just too refined, though, because the packaging claims that “Kids love them!” Then again, kids also love eating paste and boogers.
ADAM: There’s way too much bread for the amount of peanut butter and jelly, and the whole thing quickly condenses into an unpleasant wad in your mouth. Basically, this is a canned good, except without the “good” part. That being said, if I was stranded in a bomb shelter and all the other food in the world was tainted with radioactive fallout? Sure, I’d eat it. Is that a quote they might want to put on their packaging?

BONUS: We’re giving away our excess Candwiches! To win one, just reblog this post on Tumblr and/or go to our Facebook page and “like” the link to this article. We’ll randomly choose two winners and mail them their shelf-stable prize/punishment.

And for more food hilarity, kindly check out our other website I Want You Inside Me.